Love = Sex?

Idly Googling this and that, I stumbled on the information that a group in Vermont wants to name a mountain there Brokeback Mountain as a tribute to the movie they feel represents great things about the human spirit and human experience.

While I won't comment on anyone's right to canoodle in whatever way they see fit, when you want to apply your values to a major landform it invites comment from all who may experience it in any way.

I see great potential for humor here. If they rename one of the New England Hundred Highest, will some peak baggers decide to settle for the New England 99? Ooh, they could rename the current number 69 on the list!

The petitioners want to commemorate "an extraordinarily beautiful love story between two people that touched the hearts of millions of people around the world," according to their website.

Shall we name a mountain for every deeply touching love story, or just the ones that make some people squirm?

I wonder how members of this group felt about the campaign in New Hampshire to rename one of the Presidential Range peaks in the White Mountains after Ronald Reagan.

I also have a problem with the name Brokeback in general. That's a southern or western affectation. No self-respecting New Englander would name a mountain anything that jaggedly ungrammatical.

As for the love angle, I understand the profound pleasure of two people stimulating each other's sex organs, but that act can be loveless and love can flourish without it. What about the love displayed by heroic sacrifice, where no one gets a tingle out of it? That seems like something worthy of the gravity of a mountain.

I know the short story by Anne Proulx and the movie adapted from it are not just prurient trash about homosexuality. I know that sexual orientation can trigger discrimination and violence. It is one of the many things human beings are still arguing over. But when you get right down to it, this proposal simply seeks to name a mountain after a movie. While the original petitioners might not have cynical motives, a movie is a commercial product. I can only imagine what sort of themed shops and entertainments might spring up in the vicinity. After all, fleecing tourists is as much a New England tradition as colorful mountain names.

Be ready for the Brokeback Mountain Fudge Packing Company (candy shop). How about the Sheep Ranch petting zoo?

As gross as you think those ideas are, let me assure you I am restraining myself. I see zoning issues a-plenty if this thing goes through.

The GLBT package tours to local inns with guided excursions to the summit (and beyond) don't stretch the imagination at all.

Bigots never learn that persecuted groups almost always become unified and stronger as a result of outside pressure. If no one batted an eye at some of the differences that don't make that much difference, everyone would just go about their business doing what they like with their mucous membranes and not making a cause célèbre out of it.