Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Happy Motoring!

Driving these days is like being chased by the hounds of Hell. Or, if you happen to be the aggressor, it's like thundering down on your high horse, cutting the heads off of fleeing, unarmed peasants with your saber.

Since nearly everyone between the ages of 17 and 25 drives like an asshole, and a good percentage take even longer to grow out of it (if ever), there's always a supply, even a growing supply, of drivers who are willing to gamble with your life as well as their own.

Like so many people, I owe a karmic debt because I drove like such a dickweed between the ages of 17 and ...well, let's just say it's a long recovery. At least I know there's a problem.

I can blunt my own aggression by remembering one unbreakable rule:


I may do other mildly annoying things back there as I seek to control my urgency, but the majority of the time I will stay as far back as traffic density will allow. I may HATE how slowly someone is driving, but I hate hassling them even more, because I know how much I HATE being hassled.

It's pretty simple: I try to respect the personal space of drivers in front of me, even if I wish they were going faster. As the best driver on the road, I know exactly how fast we should all be going at any given time. Anyone driving slower than I am is a wuss. Anyone driving faster is an idiot. But as the magnanimous creature that I am, I will have pity on the wuss even as I do my best to frustrate and annoy the idiot.

You are all very fortunate to share the road with me. I accept your thanks. Now keep your distance.

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