Male-Female Relations

Ah, the feminine form. Look but don’t touch. No, don’t even look. Desire but don’t act.

In most social and professional interactions, the most basic polarity between the genders is supposed to be irrelevant to the exchange and, therefore, off limits. And rightly so.

If we simply adhered strictly to the cold, dry model of proper interaction there would be no population problem, because no one would ever bring the subject up.

Behavioral cues are no guide. Some of the most flirtatious women I have dealt with happen to be lesbians. The optimistic male perceives feminine friendliness as a sign they are receptive to further advances. The rational man realizes that happy, friendly women seem inviting because the man hopes to be invited. Let that analytical mind lapse for a moment and a man can slip into dangerous territory.

Young adulthood confuses the issue as young men who hope to impress young women meet young women who have not yet learned to be routinely unimpressed. The magic seems to work for a while. The reward is often unmatchable pleasure. The punishment can be severe, but any adventure involves risk. It seems worth it.

This deception perpetrated by our own bodies is the mechanism that has suckered us into reproducing for all our countless generations.

Maybe sperm and eggs don’t exist to reproduce us. Maybe we exist to reproduce them. We are what they build to convey themselves around. They’re inside, calling the shots.

Certainly the male creature seems to endure a constant internal battle between the brain cells and the sperm cells. Whoever is in the majority at the time tries to govern the body. The brain requires a strong police force to contain the socially disruptive forces.

The whole exercise becomes a lot more resistible when you realize that sex produces one or more of three things: babies, diseases and head trips.

The head trips may be enjoyable or not. You might not produce a child or pick up a disease in any given encounter, but the risk is always there.

Whenever two people are sexually attracted to each other they should ask themselves why. Man, why do you want that woman? Woman, why do you want that man? Man, why do you think that woman wants you? Woman, why does that man want you?

Doesn’t that take all the fun out of it?

Maybe that’s the point. It’s like putting a condom on your brain, a practical little pause in the tingling, headlong rush to slide mucous membranes together in pursuit of pleasure. Because maybe there’s more and you just haven’t acknowledged it.

Thought is never fashionable, especially when it delays or defeats pleasure, so no one will do as I advise. Just remember I said it when you’re on your belly in the middle of some emotional minefield, scrabbling desperately at the dirt with your bayonet, trying to find the safe route to crawl out.