If there is a God, he's some fat guy in a bowling shirt, who will yank your underwear up your crack if you bend over in front of him. He'll say, "pull my finger," and then blow up Mount Saint Helens.
Waaa ha ha ha ha ha.
Bite me.
Back in my young adulthood I fed all the data I'd gathered in childhood and all the new information that came my way into my theological computer and concluded that prayer was a waste of breath. If anything, it was a symbolic vote that could be tallied at some theoretical judgement to see which side you had supported on a given issue, but it would make no difference whatsoever to what you got at the time you prayed.
Oh, you might get what you wanted, but only coincidentally.
No hard feelings, but no single human can know all the variables. This is true with or without a divine being who does know all the variables. So if God's grand plan or the simple grinding of the gears of chance require that Thou Shalt Be Screwed, then Screwed Shalt Thou Be. So suck it up.
Scoot over there, Siddhartha. Any room under that tree?
As the megalopolitan Northeast and Middle Atlantic dig and thaw their way out from under one to two feet of powder we could really have used to make our livings up here in the further north, we brush away the dusting on our cars and settle in for another couple of months of fasting, character-building poverty. And dig our underwear back out of our cracks until the next attempt at humor. Just for God's sake don't pull his damn finger.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Entrepreneurial Spirit
Someone asked if I'd heard the latest hoo-raw about a dastardly computer virus that wipes out hard drives almost instantly. I hadn't heard this hoo-raw, but it seems like we get one or another like it about once a month. The holes in Windows are what make it light and fast, I guess.
The internet security industry exists because of evil geniuses. I wonder what it's like to be an evil genius. The evil part is easy enough, but without the genius part you just end up working for someone else. You might as well get a real job. But of course if you're evil the idea of the 9-to-5 grind probably just makes you more evil. It shoves many of the supposedly good people toward the dark side as it is.
Geniuses just see the world differently. They see opportunities, they notice phenomena, they coordinate variables the rest of us don't, and they think fast. I just can't imagine it except when I've had a good night's sleep, a good bike ride and some powerful coffee. Even then it's only for as long as these forces combine at full strength. Hardly long enough to make any solid genius moves, evil or otherwise.
Oh well. Back to work.
The internet security industry exists because of evil geniuses. I wonder what it's like to be an evil genius. The evil part is easy enough, but without the genius part you just end up working for someone else. You might as well get a real job. But of course if you're evil the idea of the 9-to-5 grind probably just makes you more evil. It shoves many of the supposedly good people toward the dark side as it is.
Geniuses just see the world differently. They see opportunities, they notice phenomena, they coordinate variables the rest of us don't, and they think fast. I just can't imagine it except when I've had a good night's sleep, a good bike ride and some powerful coffee. Even then it's only for as long as these forces combine at full strength. Hardly long enough to make any solid genius moves, evil or otherwise.
Oh well. Back to work.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Groundhog Cake 2003
I'm pretty sure this is the Mark I version, although we may have eaten the first one without proper documentation. 
Merry Groundhog Day
Laurie always makes a nice dinner to celebrate Groundhog Day, ending with the traditional groundhog cake. I'll post a series showing the cakes through the years. The design has settled down to this basic shape. The teeth are white chocolate, the nostrils are represented by raisins, the eyes are chocolate chips and the feet and ears are dried apricots. The cake itself is chocolate.She chose Groundhog Day because it's whimsical and it hasn't been blown out into some sort of commercial extravaganza yet, except in Punxsutawney, PA. We can make of it what we like. We like cake.
The dinner menu includes some sort of meat dish we can call ground hog. A couple of years it was pork, though this year it was sauerbraten. Excellent!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Energy Policy
The president's new energy policy is that if you have enough ethanol everything will seem better. This is not a new concept. It isn't even a new concept to him (see his driving record). Wow, the ethanol/driving connection just gets stronger and stronger. It just took him a while to figure out how they should go together.
Here in New Hampshire, where we already sell acoholic beverages at highway rest areas, we can just put in a few fuel pumps so the car can drink as well as the driver. Instead of worrying about octane we'll look to see what proof we're getting.
"I used to be all messed up on oil. Now I'm all messed up on ethanol."
This is just too easy.
Here in New Hampshire, where we already sell acoholic beverages at highway rest areas, we can just put in a few fuel pumps so the car can drink as well as the driver. Instead of worrying about octane we'll look to see what proof we're getting.
"I used to be all messed up on oil. Now I'm all messed up on ethanol."
This is just too easy.
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